my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
