so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
