toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
