I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Two words: nipple clamps
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