I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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