i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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