1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
