wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
