You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
