Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize