remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
