does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
