I wish I only lived at night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
