I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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