Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
