Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
