I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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