I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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