I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...so i touched it.
She said her name was "party"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
