dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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