he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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