what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
