She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize