I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize