ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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