I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
