You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
