what day is it and did you see me today?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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