I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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