I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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