Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
