He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
FUCK WHALES
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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