it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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