You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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