Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
