either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
