PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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