What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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