I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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