I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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