Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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