The maid of honor just puked.
there's paper in my vomit.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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