I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
