I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
