Please, let me fuck your mom
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
