Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
