She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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