I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
