good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
