my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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