I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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