Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
