Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
