just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
