just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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