He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
