I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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