It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
