I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
